One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Randomize
