He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
