Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
