I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
