Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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