I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
