I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
