He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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