I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
