mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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