i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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