dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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