Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
