we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
