You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I could make wine with my vomit
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I got inside last night via doggy door
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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