that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
