see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
she smelled like a LAN party
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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