I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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