8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
