true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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