Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
