I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
