You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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