Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
