We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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