His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
