it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize