Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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