I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Everyone says I win the strip club
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
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