you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize