Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
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