he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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