Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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