I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
