Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
