I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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