lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize