you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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