I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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