I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
