He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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