i think my mom watched the whole time
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
