Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
