He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Randomize
