She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Randomize
