I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
