i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
