I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
