I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
