Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
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