maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
