Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
