im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
