i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize