She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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