That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
