i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
