Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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