I've blown a few things in my day
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
