dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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