Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
