I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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