none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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