Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
