I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
