And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Randomize
