you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
