is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
