...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
