**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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