I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
